Ask Allan
Body Language of Love

QUESTION

What are some signs that someone likes you or is feeling positive toward you?

ANSWER

Someone who agrees with you or fancies you will usually mirror your body language. Whatever gestures or expressions you make, they copy. This is a powerful way of getting people to like you quickly – simply mirror what they do. They begin to ‘feel’ that there’s something about you they like – it’s because they see themselves reflected in you.

QUESTION

If the wife is lucky, she'd get a present on Valentine's Day. But it's not what she was hoping for... She had been dropping hints about a designer bag she saw in the store, but he gave her a GPS system for the family car. What was he thinking of? Why didn't he get the hint? How should the wife tell him about her desired present?

ANSWER

Subtly is lost on men. Men’s brains are geared to give practical presents not emotive ones. So the recommendation here is for men: on Valentines Day, don’t decide on what to get her, ask her girlfriends what she’d like.

QUESTION

You specialise in relationship writing. Why do you think an increasing number of young people, mostly wealthy and urban, are choosing to stay single despite so many dating apps and relaxed social norms.

ANSWER

Our expectations of each other have become very critical.  For example, women today want from a man the things women have always wanted – a fit healthy body, ambition and the modern-day equivalents of his ability to provide food, shelter and protection.  But they now also want him to be soft, caring, understanding and to talk. Unfortunately, men who fit this description usually have a boyfriend.  Similarly, young men now believe that women no longer need to be romanced – you just ask for sex and the woman says ’yes’ or ‘no’. None of these approaches get the desired results and leave men looking like heartless individuals and women as demanding and confused. We will always need to have relationships with the opposite sex whether it be there father, brother, boyfriends, husbands, bosses or clients.  Our seminars are today witnessing a dramatic increase in people wanting our help to have better relationships with the opposite sex.  

QUESTION

It's Valentine's Day but your husband doesn't seem to care or remember it anymore. Why do (married) men tend to forget about Valentine's Day, birthdays and anniversaries? Why do women still care about such occasions?

ANSWER

Valentine’s Day and other anniversaries are emotional events and male brains are not well equipped for responding to emotional needs. A man can remember the score from a football game 10 years ago, he’ll know all the names of the players in his favourite team, but when it comes to his anniversary, he just doesn’t think about it the same way his wife does. We recommend that men keep an electronic calendar date on their smart phone or computer to help them remember important dates. Even I rely on reminders - if it wasn’t for Facebook no-one would ever get a birthday card from me!

QUESTION

These days, his idea of romance is having sex, but you just want a surprise date night... to catch the latest theatre show in town, for instance. Why has he changed after having kids?

ANSWER

When a couple first starts dating, the man will make a big effort to pursue the woman. He will do whatever is necessary to catch her attention, make her laugh and get her in bed - including making romantic gestures like taking her to a show. Once a couple is married, he doesn’t have to pursue her anymore - she’s already in bed. This might seem shallow to women, but men and women are fundamentally different and men are only shallow based on women’s expectations of them. Relationships are a compromise, so we recommend that women talk to men in a straight forward way and negotiate an outcome that suits both parties. When a couple has kids, their own personal needs are washed into the background most of the time. So it becomes even more important to find time to communicate your needs - women, remember that guys are not programmed to pick up subtle signals!

QUESTION

Can you suggest 5 totally do-able ways to squeeze romance into every day?

ANSWER

1. Make romance a priority by scheduling time for a date night.
2. Communicate clearly with each other about needs and expectations, so there’s no guess work!
3. To encourage happiness in your relationship, simple things like watching a funny movie or sitcom together can make you both laugh, which releases endorphins to make you both feel happier.
4. For men: remember that women need constant love so use lots of appropriate touching like cuddles and holding hands.
5. For women: accept that men care about appearance - rather than fighting it, go with it.